An ode to Kundera

Reading Milan Kundera’s 89 Words followed by Prague, A disappearing Poem…

It is really nice how he collects words in a dictionary and I like the first word. I would like to pay my respects to this amazing writer. 

Absolute: God, the one who made us all. His power above us all. The strength which he has given us. Absolute, the one word which comes to mind when you think of the Universe and its Creator. Absolute, the almighty who is there to protect us all. I first read the Unbearable lightness of being a long time ago…it is a book which I will read again as I was too young when I read it for the first time…25 years on and I think that I will see in it a new light, a new way of being.

Amusing: The thought of me being paranoid…paranoid that the flower pot in this room had been turned around by Someone, when it was probably I who did it after I filled it up with water. A word which I don’t use often enough these days. A word which conjures up happy days and thoughts of my sons in my house, which was a long time ago now…10 years ago. A word which brings sadness to the heart now, a tautological thought but a thought nonetheless! 

Aphorism: Kundera describes this word so well that I don’t have to look it up. A word that could describe a short poem. A witty response to an idea. Is that an Aphorism? I live so alone now that there are no adults to bounce ideas off anymore. And Mental Health suggests that I am just fine on my own and even separated from my ex-husband because it was I who wanted to…everyone in the community thinks it was my divorce too…those who egged me on and asked me first to separate from him and then to divorce him just went missing after a while…and my life has become so silent now that even the tapping of the keys cannot quieten it.

Arousal: A word which I have been shying away from, this was why I left him. Thought would find truth in Spirituality…but a mother cannot live alone, whether here or there…a mother needs to repartner and find her dreams again. Arousal or aroused, words which define the state of being that only us humans can experience. 

At-Home: I feel At-Home and I feel that the only way forward is to be positive. But will people let me find that state of being? My sons have now grown up and it is time for me to move on. I hurt them even more when I stay here for them. But will the State let me? It is not something that others will understand, a feeling that only the heart can know…indescribable it is and one must not show that one is not At Home when one is.

Beauty ( and Knowledge): Inner beauty is something that we all lack. It is something that we forget when we taunt and hurt another. Self Righteousness comes in the way of our thoughts when we tell others that they are worse than us. Knowledge is something that we all can attain, whether from a dictionary or wikipedia or the vast resource called the Internet. But Beauty can only be attained by those who desire to follow His ways. And Hers too. O Mother, I see in you the Divine and that Beauty which only pain can bring.

Being: I am here but not really there. I walk and act as if in a dream. I would like to Be but I can’t coz they are not well and hurt themselves often. 

Betrayal: It was the worst thing, something that hurt so much that I cried for nights at end. It was difficult when they would be away and even more hurtful when they were taken away totally. And this after one had fallen over and hurt himself badly. Jewellery I returned of my own will just so that they would not hurt my sons by taking them away from me…but they did and it hurt but what I did not think was that they would make them stay away from me totally and hurt them for life.

 

Bluish: The word Blue is around too much. I feel blue sometimes but try to push it away by working on my positive side. Kundera says that Bluish is Novalis’s and I look it up. Blaue Blume, represents Hope, love, and deep spiritual desire the Internet says…then how did it come to define a state of being so deep that no one wants to charter its depths. Notes to myself: Should be looked into.

Book: So many books he wrote but only one have I read. He brings Europe in and it is nice to know through another the sounds of time past. I wrote a book last year, a book of poems, a child’s dream turned to reality and my whole life has been taken away from me by those who dislike me.

Border: It is in our mind, the divide between the two cortexes, one sings and the other calculates. It is only a millimetre away but the chasm so vast that only some can traverse it, it seems. 

Cache: Computer. I look it up and I find that it is a term used to describe a temporary storage location. But a cache is also a seal says Kundera. I wonder in which language…where did this word originate from. I used to look these things up but now I am lost, libraries have been taken away from me, or is it my car which used to carry a multitude of books.

Central Europe: They came from there, the warriors, and, they conquered. I have forgotten the intricacies of history but I do know now that I live in Europe too…I was there once upon a time and some of it felt like home…but it hurt no end as it ended my marriage and my children lost a mother who they could know no more. A short para for a big place. May come back to it one day.

To be continued...