Why not now

 I stay in a one bedroom place, The thought of going to which hurts too much, As it is quiet there without my three; Two have been there but it is not cosy, A sad place that I must go back to, And yesterday I learnt that even Meditation I can’t know too much, This as the Doctors still force feed, And, what the meditators don’t know is that meds are just used to abuse, To detain and retain the one who is more sane than the sane now!

What do I write here, I bought some books that I thought I would read, however, my ADHD is so strong now that I can hardly read two pages before I have to put the book down again; Is it ADHD or is it the fact that he made me homeless between 2018 and now.  I stayed in hotels then whose staff bullied me no end before forcing me to call 000 and report my concerns. They must have known that women, especially coloured women get taken away by the MHC just because they are worried about their children who are in the care of a man who had abused her.  I knew his angry ways and so do they but they will not complain like I do as they are afraid of those members of Australian society who like to hurt children who want to be in their mother's care. So I have stopped, too, but I have asked for help from the Chief Minister as one Barrister has written to me to say that I must not get in touch with him even though he knows the reason why I do; A Monarchy, that is what I am up against or is ...

 ...and I haven't written a thing here. A blog that sits empty as thoughts jostle for importance in this mind that would like to stay empty, devoid of all thought but the middle class of Australia will not let it be and hurts it just because the owner is his ex wife. It does not know that it is wrong to do so now, the Leader said it a while ago. So Nazis stay away from my space coz it is not too far away that time when your thoughts will not be taken lightly and words will be allowed to flow out into this world again. Perhaps the words will go silent as the thoughts will take precedence over everything else and to think will be considered a Sin but to hurt like this will be wrong and those who sin will be sent to jail and forced to do Community Service.

 I don't know whether I have written this earlier too, but what happened in 2009 is here to stay with me till the end of time, this as someone I met started to make me look at my life once again; it was wrong of me I know now coz I had three children to worry about, and, three children whose lives depended upon my every move, so I moved out and wanted all three to move in with me but they interfered, and, held them back so we could only meet for seven days every fortnight. it was sad but that is what happened and I realise now that I was evicted and forced to move out  because his family and he had had too much of my sureness. After that, in 2012, I continued my work on the physics project or was it the psychology project, Synchronicity and how it helps to know that one is not trapped and not alone, and, that there are others who think with one and support one. But then in 2014 I came across a book. Serendipity or destiny. The End of Time it is called and it does signal an end...

Today I attended the Independence Day celebrations at the High Commission of India in Canberra and asked the High Commissioner Mr Gopal Bagle whether he could bring Independence in for us Australian-Indians as well.  No reply as yet…

How do I explain what it means to be alone to my sons, they don't know that I need a life too. Find a dream, they say, as if reading out loud from a book! How do you find a dream when all of yours have been broken, And so she smiles and then asks me whether I am a friend? How can I be a friend when all she has done is tried to take all of my dreams away? It cannot happen because they are my dreams and I will live with them till the end of time, It does not happen coz God is on my side. In this country they ask, Which God,  God is one we all learnt that when we were in school, Maybe they will recognise that here too one day. It will really help as there are people here from all cultures and  backgrounds and different religions. A secular Republic will be nice to have; One in which dreams can be formed and made and turned into something real, Where I will know that it is fine to dream and to not live with broken dreams that get turned to nought one day, Where my sons w...